"Do not go gentle into that good night
Old age should burn and rave at close of day
Rage, rage, against the dying of the light"
William Shakespeare
This is my motto for life.
I just turned 55, double nickels, as my sister said. There was a time in my life when that would
have sounded old, maybe when I was 20 and my body didn't ache and creak and I
didn't need more sleep than a newborn baby.
Then, I thought of 55, and it seemed ancient. Now, I realize that old is only in my
head. In spite of the fact that I creak
when I get out of bed, and am falling asleep by 8 p.m., I am not old. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. I will not go gentle into that night, but I
intend to ride a wild stallion into the golden years and not stop until that
horse throws me off. And so, with that
said, we headed off on what could only be described as "The Allreds, A
Series of Unfortunate Events".
However, I don't see these as unfortunate events, but instead, just part of the screaming,
silly, giggling adventure I call life.
Each "unfortunate" event nothing more than another chance to
test our problem solving skills and over come the event.
Labor day. Summer's
one last hurrah, the last big weekend to run off to the wilderness and get your
fill of fresh air, big open spaces, and dirt....lots of dirt. We love to exist like pioneers. No indoor plumbing, running water or
heat. Living in a big tent, cooking on a
two burner propane camp stove and eating from the same pans we cook in, is
exhilarating and makes life seem so large.
The whole process of planning, packing and loading the truck for this
four day period of our lives is more complicated than the pilgrims sailing for
the colonies. Add to that the fact that
we had to travel over two hours each way to Salt Lake for an essential
appointment the morning before we left, and the task seems impossible. But, in the spirit of determination (or
stubbornness, you choose your
adjective), I had everything pretty much
ready to go and loaded in our old beast, a 1985 Ford F250 3/4 ton pickup I like
to call General Patton. At precisely
10:15 a.m. I picked Dave up in the parking lot of the Chamber of Commerce where
he was attending a community development meeting and we were off to Salt Lake
City. Obstacle number one,
overcome.
We have come to the conclusion, since we seem to be driving
so much, that even this time should not be wasted. This is the time to listen to scriptures and
have lively debates about the tower of Babel, the ferocity of the Jaradite
people, and what advanced skills may
have been possessed by the Nephite people.
When we have exhausted ourselves with those topics, then we turn to
books. I read while he drives. We have finished one book and started on
another. Taking in the wondrous beauty
of the forests and mountains we pass through to reach our destination is always
included in our discussions. Before we
know it, we have arrived. Appointment, lunch, and since we are in the big city, some
minor shopping, and we are on our way back to Green River. Obstacle #2, overcome with finesse.
Now, it's 6:30 p.m.
We have finished loading General Patton with the final equipment, coolers, food, and anything else we must have
to live "simply" in the Wyoming wilderness. Dave queries, "should we wait and leave
early in the morning so we aren't setting up camp in the dark?" I just stare at him like he's speaking a
foreign language. General Patton is stuffed
to the gills. He looks like the Beverly
Hillbillies moving out. Ice is packed in
coolers. Adrenaline is flowing, is he
crazy? Of course I don't want to wait
until morning. Let's go! Obstacle #3....check.
Now, it really gets interesting. General Patton has a little boo boo. His starter doesn't work so good. Since he is a standard transmission, as long as we park on a hill we can always
pop start him, so the starter thing has never been a real issue......until we
got to Rock Springs to buy gas. Here
comes obstacles #4 & 5. Pull up to
the pump, no hill, but the starter has
been working okay, so off went the ignition.
Card in the pump, error message, pay inside. Dave walks inside, cashier explains there's
something wrong with the card reader, leave your ID and he'll turn on the
pump. Okay, back to the pump. Hose in the tank, squeeze the handle, get 24
cents of gas, pump stops. Long
conversation with cashier, who finally suggests moving to a different pump. Turn key in ignition, starter grinds,
sputters, and reluctantly turns the engine over. At this point, with time wasting away, night
coming on, I'm watching Dave and looking for signs of the steam of impatience
and frustration to start oozing from his ears.
But, nope, he's as cool as a sliced cucumber on a summer salad. Pump in tank, squeeze handle, 3 cents of gas,
pump stops. Conversation with cashier,
several turns on the now grumbling and complaining starter, move to last set of
pumps, pump in tank, squeeze handle....rinse and repeat. Cashier finally concedes the pumps are broken
and we will have to go across the street.
I'm watching Dave closely now.
Not even a flush in his cheeks or a grumble under his breath. The biggest problem.....General Patton's
starter has decided to throw a temper tantrum and stubbornly will not turn
over, and we are not on a hill. I looked
at Dave, he looked at me, we looked at the attendant, the attendant peered back
fearfully and with a quiver in his voice inquired, "should I help you push?" I guess we both gave him the , "ya
think?" look because he quickly put his shoulder to the wheel and he and I
managed to push General Patton fast enough, in reverse, for Dave to pop the
clutch and start the engine. At this
point, a discussion ensues. The engine
is running, should we go back, get a starter tomorrow and install it, and try
this again, or do we forge ahead and defy the odds of another unfortunate
event. Me: "Can we park on a hill where we are
going?" Dave: "yes". Me:
"are we going to need to shut General Patton off again before we
get there?" Dave: "no." Me:
"are you nervous?" Dave
(with complete calm): "nope."
Me: "let's go." Across the street we pump our gas, with the
engine running, in spite of the dirty looks from other gas pump patrons, and
with the sun well below the western horizon and miles left to go before we
could sleep, we were on our way.
Obstacles 4 & 5, slam dunked.
You have to ask yourself, how many of you would have the
intestinal fortitude to continue on at this point? Well, I guess we both have guts, because we
forged ahead with excitement. Now, our
destination of choice was not well known.
In fact, the last time we were here, we had been looking for this
particular gold claim and drove around the Wyoming wilderness for hours trying
to locate it by gps and maps, thinking we didn't find it, only to discover
later that we had actually been on the claim.
So, with this information in our arsenal and our memory (old and short
as they were) of visual landmarks we had seen.....in the daylight......and
Dave's much researched and marked out gps trails, we bravely turned off the
main road and began our venture into the wilds of giant sagebrush, muddy, deep
rutted trails, and the deep purple of night.
Driving along, Dave glancing frequently at the glowing
screen of his I phone, we come to a cattle guard and he pauses. General Patton rumbles angrily in the cold
night air. Along with his ailing
starter, he also suffers from an exhaust leak that causes his engine to spew load
noises that often makes conversation inside his cab difficult at best. After much scrutiny of our location, Dave
decides of the many cattle guarded turn offs, this is the correct one and we
bump and bounce off the more established dirt road onto the road less
traveled. Bouncing along, General Patton
rumbling in the dark, we come to a fork in the trail. Dave glances to his right and questions me,
"is there a stone marker over there?"
I think to myself, "are you serious? It's as black as tar out there. I couldn't see the Washington Monument if it
was there, let alone a stone marker."
But what I say out loud is, "I don't know." I was pretty sure Dave could tell is was dark
outside and I didn't need to state the obvious.
Using my valuable observation of
"I don't know", he took
the road to the right, a road we would later learn was the wrong way, or actually, the long way. Soon the moon has dropped below the horizon,
the night grows later, and General Patton is roaring monotonously along. Dave hands me the I phone with it's glowing
screen and asks if we're going the right way.
I look at the screen and try desperately to decipher the dots, lines and
terrain before me. It's hopeless, I have
no idea, but fearing that Dave will discover my complete incompetence as a
navigator I confidently reply, "sure looks like it to me." It wasn't a total lie, I didn't know which
was the right way, so it did look right to me.
More driving, more pausing so Dave could examine his maps, more time
passing, when finally, as we crested yet another hill, we both recognized the
rocky draw ahead of us and realized we had at last reached our
destination. It was 2 a.m. and through
perseverance and an undaunted sense of adventure, yet another obstacle had been
defeated. We parked General Patton
facing downhill and finally turned off his engine to rest. Quickly we unloaded our supplies, erected our
luxury canvas tent, set up our cozy queen size airbed and draped it with warm
bedding. Since our lovely antique wood
cook stove Dave's parents gave us was not quite ready for this trip, we set up
our two burner cook stove inside the tent in it's place, added our big buddy
heater and lit up our glowing coleman lanterns.
The sound of a burning coleman lantern is one of my favorite
sounds. It brings on waves of nostalgia
and opens the floodgate of memories to my childhood and camping in our big
green canvas tent, Dad tucking us in to
the sound of the coleman lantern.
Watching the dark flood the tent as the glowing lantern moved
outside. Outside my little sanctuary,
Dave called for me to come look at the stars.
It was 3 a.m. The sky was inky
black and washed by clusters of glittering lights in the sky. The milky way and the big dipper were
enormous overhead. It was truly magnificent, but the cold night breeze drove me back
inside and Frank, the gold sniffing wiener dog, under the queen sized cot. Dave had more resistance to the cold than me,
but by 3:30 a.m. we were snuggled up, cozy and warm, and drifting off to sleep
at the end of a long and very eventful day.



We woke up early in the morning, well, I guess we went to
bed early in the morning, so I should
say we woke up later, to Frank shivering violently under the cot. The poor little guy is not equipped for cold
weather out door sleeping. Dave took great
pity on him and invited him inside our blankets. This simple act made Frank Dave's best friend
for life. Later, when the sun had had
time to warm the air, we finally got up and while Dave set up his
equipment, I practiced my gourmet
outdoor cooking skills and made breakfast.
The new day was astonishingly beautiful.
Wide open spaces where green sage brush rises up to meet deep blue skies
devoid of clouds. The jack rabbits
hopped wildly back and forth like an old video game. On one horizon there is a herd of antelope
while black cows moo softly across the plain.
Frank is wandering about finding passable trails for his short little
legs through the sagebrush that towered over his head. Breakfast is cleaned up, Dave is sampling the
dirt, I'm going to take a nap, just a short one to make up for lost sleep from
the night before.
Two hours later.....what a great nap. The weather is chilly. In my sleep I dreamed a solution to how to
bake biscuits without an oven. I
quickly went to work and made my biscuits and designed my stove top oven from
aluminum foil and stood back with pride at my personal ingenuity. In a matter of minutes I had delicious hot
biscuits with fresh peach jam. We
decided to do a little exploring, so Dave went to General Patton and cranked
the wounded started. After some grinding
and complaining, the engine roared to life.
He walked to the tent to tell me he was ready to go, when I suddenly
heard him shout, "oh, shoot" (or some variation of that expletive)
and stuck my head out just in time to see him running after General Patton as
he roared full speed and driver less down the road and into the side of the
opposite mountain. Did I forget to mention his parking brake is inoperable as
well? Two things I am grateful for. 1:
General Patton is a beast and
2: The side of the mountain was
soft. The only casualty of the general's
little jaunt was the tailgate carrying rack.
It suffered a wrenching boo boo that left it bent and twisted. Dave looked at me and stated, "tomorrow
we are going to Lander and getting a new starter. I smiled and nodded in agreement.



The sun went down,
the night got cold. Dave devised better
sleeping arrangements for Frank with a
camp chair and a coat. Frank burrowed
himself into his new bed, we snuggled under our blankets and drifted off into a
peaceful slumber.
With the rising sun and breakfast cooked, eaten, and cleaned
up, he carefully coaxed the General's starter to life and without exiting the
vehicle, informed me he was ready to go, and we headed out of the wilderness
and into Lander. On the trip out, the
Wyoming wildlife was in fine form. The
antelope played, the jack rabbits hopped, sage grouse flew and we watched a
beautiful family of wild horses lope across the hills. I pulled out the camera and took several pictures
of the magnificent stallion, his mare, and their foal. Now, in the spirit of weirdness that seems to
accompany us wherever we go, as I was viewing the pictures I noticed a strange
object in one frame that I hadn't seen when I was taking the picture. I expanded and enlarged the anomaly and after
much scrutiny, I determined that it looked like a flying saucer. Now, whether you believe in flying saucers or
not, it was certainly something and I'll leave it to the reader to decide for
themselves. As for me, it was not
something you would normally see in the sky, flying with the horses, deep in
the Wyoming back country. Other than
the siting of an extraterrestrial object, the trip to Lander was uneventful. We arrived at OReilly auto parts, purchased
a new starter and a bolt to replace the one missing on the engine exhaust, and
with ease that left me in awe, Dave quickly replaced, both and the general
purred to life with the smoothness of soft butter and was minus his angry roar
now that the exhaust leak was repaired.
He sounded happy again. A trip to
Ace hardware for repair parts for the sluice (since we were in town), then to
the watering station to fill our 55 gallon water drum (since we were in town),
to the grocery store for chicken gizzards and a steak (since we were in town),
and we were headed back to the wilderness.
About ten minutes on the road and I started to feel a
familiar, and uncomfortable pain in my lower back right side. It quickly increased in severity and radiated
around to the front. About now, my
sister Sally, is reading this and nodding her head and saying, "oh
no! Not that!" Yup, it didn't take long before I knew I was
doing battle with a gallstone. I twisted
to the right and my face tightened into an uncomfortable frown. Dave was talking animatedly next to me as I
then twisted to the left trying, but knowing it was impossible, to find relief from the increasing pain. After about the third uncomfortable twist
Dave inquired if I was ok, to which I could only reply, "no". He looked at me, writhing and twisting, and
deep worry creased his eyebrows and he asked what he could do. Unfortunately, there is nothing he or anyone can do. I just have to endure it until the little
beast makes it way through the tube inside me and passes. My writhing and groaning increased, as did
his concern. "Should I go back to
the hospital? "
"No, there's nothing they can do and they will charge
us thousands for doing it." and with that, the pain came in a wave so
severe, my face tightened into an ugly grimace, tears flowed without control
from my eyes, and I groaned loudly without constraint. With that, Dave couldn't take it any more and
pulled to the side of the road.
"There has to be something I can do." Between clenched teeth I told him that on
occasion when this has happened before, and it has happened several times
before, that thumping on the right side of my back has brought some
relief. So, he immediately started to
pound on my right side back. To his
dismay, I burst into uncontrollable laughter.
As he stared in concerned disbelief,
I explained that first, I have a bad habit of laughing wildly when I'm
in pain, and second,
"thumping" my back is very different than punching me in the
kidneys like a world class prize fighter.
I understood he was afraid and disturbed by my discomfort, but maybe he could try to stay calm and
gently thump on my back. I promised if
he would relax, I would stop laughing like a maniac. What a sight we must have been there on the
side of the highway. After about ten
minutes the pain stopped coming in torrential waves and became bearable, I'm sure that last horrible stab was probably
the stone passing and now I would just have to deal with the dull, but bearable
ache of recovery. I assured Dave I would
be fine and we headed back to camp.
By the time we arrived back "home", and with the
help of a prescription pain killer, I was feeling much better. Dave cooked up our little steak and added some creamed corn and mashed potatoes, and I enjoyed a delicious dinner before being
gently tucked into our cozy bed. And
with that, we closed our eyes on yet another day filled with events.


Next day, the morning ensued nicely without any events of an
unusual nature. As the day went on, we
decided to do some more exploring. We
hopped in the general, put Frank, the gold sniffing wiener dog, in the back
seat and headed out through the unexplored wilderness. After awhile, Frank started standing up and
peering over the seat and whining. Dave
asked if he needed to go to the bathroom.
I thought he was just being whiny. (Frank, not Dave. ) Dave decided to stop and let him stretch his
tiny, little legs. I put some water in
his bowl and he sniffed it and ran off.
Guess he wasn't thirsty. I walked
back to the truck, Dave looked around a bit, and then we were off again. We drove about five miles down the road,
passed our camp, and up a hill where we drove around in the sagebrush field for
awhile. It was a rough and bumpy ride,
so when David stopped, I inquired of
Frank, "how ya doing,
buddy?" Not even a whimper
from the back seat. I turned around and
looked over the seat. No Frank. About that time Dave opened the truck
door. "Is Frank with
you?" I queried. "No." was his reply. We looked at each other, both of us with the
same look of awful realization, we had
left Frank behind. The sun was starting
to set as we quickly backtracked the way we had come. I worriedly thought to myself, surely he
would have chased us and we went past our camp so he would stay there. As we approached our camp, there was no sign
of Frank. As we drove back down the road
I looked frantically in the tall brush to the sides. No sign of Frank. It was getting darker and he is black. What if he ran off through the brush? What if a wild animal got him? What if it got too dark to look for him? With worry and fear we drove silently down
the road. Dave's voice broke through my
cloud of concern, "there was a
puddle in the road where we stopped. We
should be able to find where we left him."
I nodded my head in silent,
concerned agreement.
As we crested the next hill, we looked ahead and saw the
large puddle in the road where we had stopped.
There, like a statue next to the puddle, was Frank. He was patiently waiting with a look in his
sad little eyes that said, "You left me, but I knew you would come back
for me if I waited here." We
scooped up our little baby and he buried his head in my lap. With that, we returned to camp in relief and
with dinner filling our stomachs, retired for our last night in the wild
outdoors. (At this rate, probably a good thing.)
Another restful night, Dave gold panned himself into
exhaustion, I broke camp, we loaded up and amazingly, we returned home without
further incidence.
All unfortunate events aside, it was a fabulous time. Life is adventure, and we certainly intend to get our share of
the ride. If given a choice between the
carousel and the roller coaster, I'll take the roller coaster every time. And so, the series of unfortunate events is
ended.......until next time.